- by Richard
I’m sick of you. Literally.
I want you gone. You’re through.
You have had control over my life, my time, my behavior, my thoughts, my attitudes, my relationships, my body, and my mind. Because of you, I have messed up my life and I have wounded the people I love the most.
Frankly, addict: I hate you. I thought you were my friend. You promised excitement, reward, and escape from the fears and pains of life. You lied. The excitement was fleeting, the reward was phony, and the escape was momentary. You failed to deliver – thousands upon thousands of time, you failed. Every single time. Every. Single. Time.
You deceived me. Oh, you’re clever. You kept offering me this package of fake goodies – and every single time, for decades, I would take it. Your control over me was almost absolute, and because of you I did unspeakable things. I want you gone.
I am not you, Addict. And you are not me. Yes, you have been a part of me, a big part of me. I have been powerless over you, despite my resolve not to let you do these things. You have made my life completely unmanageable, despite my outward appearance of competence and confidence. But the real me is not you. I want you gone.
I’m not going to try to manage my own life. I can’t. But even so, I am going to win. Not on my own; my own power is pathetic. But make no mistake, Addict: you’re history.
I’m finding power somewhere else. With this new power I’m finding, I can do this. I’ve tried to kick you out before – perhaps thousands of times – but this time it’s different. I have a new friend. My new friend is actually an old, old friend whom I have tried to serve all my life, but never with my whole heart. This friend is known by many names, but I go with the name God. I’m going to give God the keys to my place, my life, my mind, my heart, my behavior, everything. With God’s power, you, Addict, don’t stand a chance.
Consider yourself evicted. I want you completely out of my life. I know you’re going to want to come back. When you knock on the door, with God’s power I’m not going to let you in. Oh, I may slip up sometimes and let you stand on the doorstep. I used to think that when you got to the doorstep I had no choice but to let you in to ransack the place – but now I see that letting you back in is not inevitable; in fact, it’s not going to happen, so go. Just go.
Addict, I am envisioning you walking away from my life, your bags packed, trudging away, your figure getting smaller and smaller, farther and farther away, diminishing, diminishing, until you are just a speck. Just a speck.
Good riddance. I’m a much better person without you, thank God!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13